Nice try, creep.

Subject: Great Line

Were your parents retarded? ‘Cause you’re special.

Believe it or not, I hear things like this often.

Subject: hey there

Hi honestly i have to ask you this. why a girl that looks like you and have So much to offer with that great smile and does eyes Will ever be looking for MR right. is the world nuts or Wat. honestly. you amazed me. not to be cheese or anything but. woao. Wat you doing this weekend? any plans..

Honestly, you amazed me too.

Woao. Does eyes hurt or Wat.

Subject: beautiful u are..

This message contained the standard, “U r stunning. Would u like to go for coffee sometime?” body text of most other mass appeal pickup lines — which, I can only assume, must be more effective on the average human female than the hopelessly nerdy subsection I belong to.

Tragically, the author is almost certainly unaware of the unintentional appeal he has garnered with his Yoda-like dialogue. Had his message only referenced my resplendent midi-chlorian count or his affinity for interstellar travel, we could be celebrating on the sanctuary moon right now.

Submitter writes: Received this a while back on OkCupid. It was unforgettable.

hello my name is [name] i was born [birthdate] in [city] i grew up in [city] i have light blonde hair blue eyes/glasses i will be 38 in a week from now i like to watch movies collect things like wolves and dolphins i like to listen to alison krauss air supply and john denver i also have bi polar and im taking meds for it im a lonely single guy looking for a lonely single good looking girl if your interested in me i will never hurt you will never lie and will never cheat on you i need someone who will accept me for who i am

Dear reader,

After some considerable sleuthing, we believe we have managed to identify your gentleman caller. See below for details.

Sincerely,

Trip & Tesla