Nice try, creep.

Subject: Great Line
Were your parents retarded? ‘Cause you’re special.
Believe it or not, I hear things like this often.

Subject: hey there
Hi honestly i have to ask you this. why a girl that looks like you and have So much to offer with that great smile and does eyes Will ever be looking for MR right. is the world nuts or Wat. honestly. you amazed me. not to be cheese or anything but. woao. [...]

Subject: beautiful u are..
This message contained the standard, “U r stunning. Would u like to go for coffee sometime?” body text of most other mass appeal pickup lines — which, I can only assume, must be more effective on the average human female than the hopelessly nerdy subsection I belong to.
Tragically, the author is almost [...]

Subject: Red rum
I like how you colour your eyebrows pink, it’s hot…not many girls go that extra mile.
If I saw you in the streets, I’d ask you if the carpet matches the drapes, the last girl I asked said “actually, it does!” and Im willing to bet it’s the same with you.*
*I’m willing to bet [...]